Geekshow

To Make Or Remake: Catwoman

Everybody wants to be a cat…well, maybe not after seeing this movie.

Usually the feminine feline foil to Batman’s heroics, the Catwoman of the 2004 film is something quite different to the previously established character with a cult following. Instead, this is a unique story far removed from Selina Kyle, the cat burglar gone bad and the Batman who wants desperately to save her. 

Catwoman brings us the story of Patience Phillips, a dowdy, lonely, mousy little artist who works for the biggest cosmetics company around. One morning she spies a cat out on her window ledge and thinking it stuck, risks her life to climb out and rescue it. A cop who is happening by at the time mistakes her for a jumper and rushes up to her apartment to rescue her. 

After the misunderstanding is cleared up, Patience discovers she is late for work and rushes off, leaving her wallet behind. The police officer, Tom Lone, endeavours to retrieve the wallet and return it to Patience later in the day. The two also arrange a coffee date for the next morning. 

After being blasted by her boss over her work he orders her to redo the entire campaign she is working on. She then misses the courier cut off and has to deliver the work herself by midnight. Trekking to the factory, she stumbles over information she should not have heard – the news that the company’s latest product has some dangerous side effects and should not be put into public circulation! 

Unfortunately, her accidental eavesdropping is discovered and the bad guys decide to eliminate her. After some chasing thru science labs and manufacturing areas, Patience escapes into the water tunnels where she is forcibly flushed thru to the ocean and drowns. Washing up ashore Patience is brought back to life by the breath of the very cat she tried to rescue from her window ledge. 

Following a little searching Patience discovers that she has been reborn as Catwoman and has some extraordinary powers. No longer the dowdy pushover she snaps and quits her job, verbally blasting her unreasonable boss in the process. She spend some time with Tom and then decides to reinvent her imagine in line with her new identity as Catwoman. 

When her best friend is admitted to hospital from a mystery illness, Patience links it to the cosmetics company’s new product and devotes herself to making sure those responsible for killing her and bringing the product out are stopped and made to pay. There’s action, mayhem and double-crossing as well as friction with the bewildered Tom who doesn’t know what to believe about Patience. There’s also lots of Halle Berry pouncing around like a cat, cracking a whip and scratching at people with her claw-like nails. 

The rest of the story isn’t really important because honestly it isn’t all that interesting. As a movie, it’s pretty average as these things go. But given that Catwoman is such an iconic character and a favourite of so many, this movie falls woefully short of the hype that it was first released with. It’s not inherently bad…it’s just not particularly good either. 

Of course there is often little point in rehashing tired old material so the movie should definitely be given its props for trying something new. Catwoman in 2004 doesn’t need the Batman to survive. Indeed as we find out at the end of the movie she doesn’t even need Tom Lone or anyone else to make her whole and bring together her fractured identity. Catwoman gets her own story and isn’t just a lesser character in someone else’s tale. 

Patience herself is a bit of a cliché as are her two friends we are introduced to at the office and their whole friendship dynamic. There isn’t a lot of substance to her, nothing raw enough to make her seem real. I just can’t get past the fact that it’s someone as confident and compelling as Halle Berry sitting there trying to play this downtrodden girl-next-door character. You can’t water down such a vibrant person as Halle and do it convincingly, at least not in this movie. There’s very little there for her to work with as an actor and to proverbially sink her claws into. Personally I would have preferred to see her play Selina Kyle over Patience Phillips. 

The casting of Sharon Stone was brilliant in my opinion. She just fits well into that character, no disrespect indented, but you can imagine that someone as beautiful as her and let’s face it, a little advanced in age now, could easily turn bitter and angry over being pushed over for a younger version. Not to mention the awesome action she gets to exhibit, fighting hand to hand with Catwoman towards the conclusion of the film. 

The cat suit is an interesting take to say the least. Possibly the most flesh the feline femme fatale has ever sported before. I have to be honest, and maybe I’m a little bit prudish but I just don’t like it. It seems the filmmakers were trying to highlight the sinewiness of the physical form of a cat and the way it arches its back and how the limbs shift as it moves around but I just feel that more than a bra and pants would have been better. But I understand that if you are gonna cast someone as hot as Halle in the role then you want to play up the sex appeal as much as possible. Not to say that she doesn’t look good – she does – but I think it was a little bit tacky. Plus maybe I’m biased because I really loved Michelle Pfeiffer’s cat suit from Batman Returns. 

In terms of watchability Catwoman isn’t so bad. But it isn’t so good either. Honestly my first impression was really positive, but then after several viewings the flaws and faults are just painfully apparent. It’s not going to send you screaming for the hills. You can sit and watch the movie from start to finish. I mean the movie was done well; it wasn’t lacking in professionalism at all, but in my opinion it just doesn’t have that lasting spark that will bring viewers back to it time and time again. 

Once in a blue moon, sure. Whack it into the DVD player and lose yourself in some average entertainment for 90 minutes. But this is definitely not a film that is so good you want to watch it over and over again in close proximity.

All I can say is thank goodness they didn’t decide to go ahead with the initially planned sequel. Too bad for Halle. Catwoman is a bit of a blemish on her acting record, which could otherwise have been an enormous triumph and success for her. Still, cats do have nine lives don’t they? Maybe she should have saved one for next Christmas instead of making this flop of a movie.