The Angry Projectionist – Introductions
Tuesday, December 9th, 2008
Introducing the newest addition to the Geekshow family, writer Adam Sheehan:
The Angry Projectionist
News and Reviews from Behind the Port Glass
I am a film projectionist for a major theatre company (I’m not going to say which one. Don’t worry, Big Hollywood.) This means that I handle giant blockbuster films all day and never get to see anything good or independent. Occasionally something really good manages to make it’s way up on our screens, but it’s mostly big budget stuff that idiots love wasting money on. But I figured, since I get to see pretty much any major Hollywood picture I want for free, I may as well write about it.
I also get asked a lot of really stupid questions on a daily basis. So let’s get all of that out of the way right off the bat. First of all: Yes. We do still use film. 35mm polyester film to be exact. We have one digital projector, but I tend to hate it and resent it because it is a chilling reminder of how I will be replaced with a robot in the next two years. Also: No. I don’t have to watch the same movie all day long. I have 22 machines to keep track of and I could get fired if all I did was sit around and watch the same film all day (not to mention I’d probably want to blow my brains out. ) And last but not least: No. I don’t splice porn into the films (although if you can find porn on 35mm film, then I would be more than happy to add some leader to “Kung Fu Panda”.) There. It feels good to get that all out of the way.
Now, don’t get the idea that I’m just some jerk who hates my job and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I actually like my job a lot. I get to keep my hand on the pulse about what people like to watch. I get to see box office numbers first hand. And since I’ve started this job, every box office prediction I’ve made has come true. I may have “the gift.” I also have a bachelor’s degree in “film theory and production.” So I have a formal education in the matter (that I often ignore, but whatever… it’s on paper.) So, needless to say I’ve had an overwhelming feeling that I’ve been wasting my life and that my education was in vain for some time now. Writing reviews is more or less a way for me to vent my frustrations of the horrible industry I work for, while at the same time putting some validation and purpose to my life.
I feel like Geekshow is the perfect place for a film “critic” such as myself. I come from a rare line of film geeks. I am classically trained in that I’ve studied Bergman and Fellini, but I also have a strong opinion that “Mighty Ducks 2” is one of the greatest sequels ever made. I’m the kind of person that, if they made director trading cards, I’d have Kubrick’s rookie card.
So next time you go to the movies, look behind you when the movie starts and give your projectionist a little salute; because there is a good chance he hates the film you are about to watch, and he resents you for wanting to watch it.
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Aww my boyfriend is on Geekshow. I’m so proud!!!
Welcome! Sounds like I’ll reading some great reviews in the near future.
Welcome to Geekshow! I’m looking forward to reading your reviews.
Someone with the balls to say that Mighty Ducks 2 is one of the greatest sequels ever can’t be half bad. Great movie, but I can’t imagine most people wouldn’t even consider it when coming up with that list. So personally, I can’t wait to see some of your articles. You aren’t shy with your opinions, so I imagine this will create quite a few heated debates. :)
Try not to get yourself killed in the first couple months. We have no shortage of strong opinions around here. :P
I will admit, Mighty Ducks 2 is a fun movie.
Mighty ducks 2 is definatly one of the best family movie sequels.
Mighty hello! Welcomen and all that jazz.
And Mighty Ducks 2 is a phenomonal move- but I also contest that Major League 2 is on par and as wonderful as the original. :P
I always liked Short Circuit 2 more than the first
Oh MAN! Major League 2! Leaps and bounds better than the first. I think the world could really use some more family-oriented sports comedies.
You know- to this day I can not hear the song “Wild Thing” and not think of Charlie Sheen pitching and being all BA…
@ TotallyNotNick
OH Short Circuit 2 was amazing.
Oh yeah sorry Adam, welcome to the geekshow network
@Sunshineyness: I thought I was a rare case for saying “all that jazz”… well untill invisigirl said it in the incredibles anyway.
@Prettz
it was actually Elat-i-Girl who said “All That Jazz”. I too use the saying… it haunts me
@Jack
….Wow……… I cant believe I made that mistake……….. egg and my face are in alignment.
Short Circuit 2 was pretty good as far as sequels are concerned, but it still can’t hold a candle to D2. What sets aside D2 from other sequels is how bad the original was. The first Ducks film had too small of a scale to really care. But D2 took it the extra step. This was a hand-full of kids taking on THE WORLD. Plus you had the Iceland team and Gordon Bombay’s struggle with fame. And come on….. the knuckle puck!
You are by far the best projectionist I have ever worked with. We laughed, we cried, and we washed plexy glass together. I miss you oh leader of the underworld….haha you may or may not know who this is
Don’t forget the Bash Brothers! They were the best!
Also, it’s Knuckle Puck time!!!!